A Solemn Occasion

Rob and I are going off to Amsterdam this week and thought it would be responsible to make out a last will and testament. Of course, this was a perfect time for an impromptu celebration! Here is the invite I sent out to my fellow mommy friends:


Partaaay at my house 2/13!!! 10:30 a.m.


Yo, come to my place and be a witnesses to me and Rob signing our will!! You must be of sound mind and may be called upon in a court of law to state that it was, I, not an impostor who signed my will.

Free milk and cookies to all participants. Margaritas,too, if there's no school. Be there or be disinherited

:p

Aidan is already ten months old. That makes me sad!

Wallyworld

From a moral and political  perspective I despise Wallyworld. They impoverish employees, thus creating a national tax burden for the rest of us. Wallyworld isn't known for their generous community support and they tend to suck the life out of small businesses everywhere.

Wallyworld location is critical to how you will interpret your wallyworld experience. A Wallyworld Urbana experience is grossly different from a North Columbus Super-duper Wallyworld. Dare I say, the Urbana Wallyworld trip is more of an exposure to another kind of humanoid species vs a real shopping experience. Kind of like turning the lights on in a ratty hotel. I will never forget the look of curiosity on my son's face when he first witnessed a fifty year old woman with no front teeth, serious roots, and a chain hooked from her nose to her ear. But you know she was decked out in a Sean-John jersey.

"Mom, why did she spend so much money on jewelry and clothes instead of a dentist? What's that thing ? Do you think she can suck milk up her nose? That would be so cool!"

At least, it gives him something to look at while we shop? And coincedentally, it was time for new toothbrushes!

From a consumer point of view, the prices on everyday items ROCK! However, after a few trips there's nothing new (well, unless you go to Urbana). I really prefer a Target or even a Meijer. This week, we are getting a super-duper Wallyworld. It opens on Wednesday and will be the only thing open in the whole town for 24 hours a day.

I guess the real question is this: When Wallyworld finally takes over the universe will they suddenly jack up the prices and suck up all retail jobs- paying only food stamp wages? Or will the great force of consumer-driven economics turn the tide? What will our criteria be for future ventures? Are you content to go to where the lowest price is or are you willing to shell out more $$ and make a longer commute for a business that gives you a shiny,happy, crunchy kind of experience?

Inquiring minds want to know...

I got my life back

Woot! Rob  got a laptop so I have my computer back. It's a sad thing when two addicts have to share their crack, you know? It's bitter and scary. Will be happy to update you all on the trappings of my life soon enough (that is, if anybody's still around).

Sorry for the hiatus. Seems my credit card expired and typepad gets a little touchy about the payment thing. Who knew?

Anyhoo, nothing of value to report in my own life, however, I must've cackeled for a good twenty minutes looking at this

I've been accosted by a hugger. Not just any hugger,either. You see, on Friday afternoons I volunteer at my kid's school. My son's teacher is a very nice older woman. Sweet-blah,blah but insists on a big hug seconds after a cataclysmic coughing spasm.

I am not an overly affectionate person. I'll hug or kiss if the situation calls for it, but in general, I can take it or leave it. I do not suck face with my husband in the grocery store line or even lavish  breathless 'I love you's' on the phone.  The idea of hugging a germ infested teacher makes me want to shower in Lysol.

I can't hardly refuse this germy gesture of goodwill based on my own puritanical public display of affection phobia . Perhaps I will fake an injury or illness of my own, thus preventing me from receiving my daily dose of strep-laced affection. This is where the Google Google school  of medicine becomes so very handy!

Unintelligent Design

With all this hoopla about intelligent design (aka God din't make no junk) vs Darwinism, I thought I'd search my inner self for the answers. It took one look into the mirror for me to come up with the only conclusion that makes any sense.

I evolved from a spare tire.

After five years of knowing my husband, I have finally seen his face.

No, I have not had him walking around life with a bag on his head. Since I've known him, he's always had facial hair. Not that I mind, I like it well enough, but after we got married I thought I might like to know if he was on the FBI most wanted list. That's difficult if the man you love has been wearing a chea pet on his face.

Anyhoo, after years of pestering he finally decided to shave it all off...just.this.one.time.  It took quite a bit of time, this undressing of the face business. When it was finally over, I took one look and thought to myself "wait, I know that face from somewhere...hmm..."  I tried to place that face. This face that I have never seen before but have seen on someone else.

Eureka! My poor, dear husband had the most confused look on his face as I had not yet said whether I liked it or not. Just a crazed woman searching her mind, eureka-ing around the house.

"Behold!" I said to the mysterious face that was my husband. I brought him our youngest son, Aidan, whom until this day I had sworn was the post-man's offspring. I brought them both to the mirror and put them together.

Legitimacy, at last!

Today is a big day in Ohio. It is when our beloved Buckeyes (college football team for those of you living under a rock) will attempt to completely obliterate another team on our way to the top   play at the Fiesta Bowl.

There are always plenty of those tell-tale signs it's game day. You see, many men believe that unless they wear this specific shirt  with those specific socks (with the hole in the right heel,thank-you-very-much,  the left holy one is for away games ONLY)  the team will lose. While  this is normal in many states Ohio is different in a very unique way.

You see, friends, our fanatical football fans believe they must do this ritual for a week prior to  game day. During the active season I'm not exactly sure when these sacred ritual clothes get washed. Don't believe me? Just run out for a last minute game day must have ritual of your own and stand in line behind a whole pack of red shirts. Unless it's an away game,  then some other state gets the pleasure of smelling our beloved stench of victory. As a matter of fact, this might explain our winning streaks.

If we lose tonight, you'll know it by the all the broken TV's in front yards across statewide neighborhoods everywhere. This act knows no social class.   Flags will be at half mass and country music will be heard in bars, whether they usually play it or not.

Of course, the loss won't be because you didn't wear the shirt. It'll be because that SOB couldn't hear you through the t.v.

If we win, you'll know it because the shirts will stay on for yet another week. Because you know- the only reason they won is because of your ritual shirt. So, for the good of our people in the red and the gray- Go Buckeyes, go win today!

Goodbye, 2005!

Happy New Year!

Well, so far my resolutions are holding up! It's been less than 24 hours and already I've stood up to my ex husband, have all my laundry finished, and have consumed less than an elephant's usual dietary requirements.

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  • Stefanierj
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  • Julia
    I'm a freelance writer who likes to drone on about her girl-parts and attempts to rear children.
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    I am going to be a new mommy in 2 months, yea!