Mommy Mayhem

Confessions Of A Dangerous Kind

1. I do not match my family's socks nor do I separate underwear. Instead I toss them all into a laundry basket I affectionately refer to as 'the blue abyss'. When I have time to match six separate sets of socks and underwear, I will have already solved the world hunger dilemma.

2. I haven't been able to shave my legs in six weeks. My last attempt ended in a near drowning  experience in the bathtub (I knew better than to try it in the shower). I have packed in my hospital bag a brand new razor and shaving cream. I told my husband this is the closest to anything French I will ever get.

3.My toddler is sitting on this desk in front of me playing with my brand new set of bank checks, complete with matching pen. Because I am so incredibly sick and tired of saying no and hearing no in return, I am pretending that I do not notice he is there, doing something absolutely horrid. I will not even acknowledge the wicked grin he's wearing.

A Day In The Life...

There is absolutely nothing more miserable than a pregnant woman in her last month.

Negatives:

I eat more than the recommended daily dosage of antacids.
My bladder is smaller than my toddler's.
Everything and everyone annoys me, including myself.

Positives:

My bathroom scale has graciously decided to quit working.
I don't have to put on socks.

36 weeks on Thursday!

Nostalgia

In honor of the last 'Star Wars' movie, I went to Burger Death to get a Yoda toy. My oldest son had all the toys years before he was old enough to see the movie. It used to crack me up when he'd try to pronounce the title. Instead of saying Star Wars, he'd say 'Star Whores". (Obviously he didn't know he was saying something that sounded um, well,bad). No matter how many times I'd try and get him to say it properly, he kept mispronouncing it for a year or more.

Wrong Floor,Kid.

I had a wonderful early trip to Labor and Delivery last Monday. Pretty uneventful. A few drugs, lots of water, and rest. So, I've been resting instead of blogging. I never thought I'd be so tired of sitting on the couch and watching the Home and Garden channel. I blame my lack of funds for the next year on that channel. My husband will blame it for our couples therapy bill. I still have 2 weeks before I can deliver a non-NICU baby so that's my goal for now. After that, I'm eating spicy foods and taking my kids to the zoo for a long walk.

I've been receiving lots of wonderful gifts for the baby. It's like Christmas around here (and a lot of things to put together for Rob). I've almost got everything ready. Just have to wash the bedding and pick up a few last minute items.

Mostly, I'm just tired. When you have to rest all the time, it just makes you more tired. I'll get up and go for a bit and then crash. I just can't seem to sleep enough these days. It makes me snippy and emotional.

Despite it all, I'm excited.

Happy Mother's Day!

To my  neighbor who decided to start his table saw at 8 am this morning-
Divine intervention in the form of Crispy Kreme saved you from death.

To my husband who braved the grocery store with children in tow and then grit his teeth through two hours of keeping my kids from telling me what my present was-
You are gorgeous and divine!

To my daughter Kate who just couldn't bear keeping the secret-
Thanks for sharing!

To my darling toddler who wore his sister's shorts to the store,complete with butterflies and flowers-
I'm so very sorry. Thanks for your sacrifice this Mother's Day!

To my oldest son who desperately wanted to go crawdad hunting in the woods today but didn't because he didn't want me to have to stain soak his filthy clothes-
Thanks for caring!

To Alex who wrote on her Mother's Day card that my favorite show is Opra (with a heart) ,my favorite books are Feery Tails, and I love hot dogs-
You know me so well!

Have a wonderful Mother's Day!

I've Got Sunshine

I was making dinner in the kitchen when Rob notified me that Liam had meandered to the backyard with a few eating utensils. Annoyed, I asked him to go fetch these WMD's and made the usual,"He'll poke an eye out," comment.

Rob asked why we mothers were always taking the joy out of young boy's lives by always reverting to the "poke an eye out" reason. Had he asked on any other day at any other time, I probably would have pondered that question a bit and maybe even engaged him in some philosophical load of BS that only he and I seem enjoy. At that particular nanosecond, I was knee-deep in laundry that never seems to end, I had dinner going, and was just plain old tired. End of pregnancy, will-I -ever-feel-normal-again miserable sort of tiredness.

Without hesitation, I replied," Because maybe us mother's would like a life of our own someday. If we let our kids poke their eyes out then we'd be stuck with them for life,doing their laundry, making their dinner, and cleaning up after them for the rest of our life. Furthermore, if you fathers were smart about it, you'd go along with the plan! Instead, you let them go out the door with forks, teach them how to play football, and all sorts of reckless things. You wonder why we're always telling them they'll poke an eye out!"

His response? "So, honey, tell me how you really feel!"

I love him so much.