Mommy Mayhem

The Mystery Mess

So, I'm still plastered to the couch feeding Aidan. Rob is out running a few errands, I'm alone in the house. Out of the blue, Liam walks up to me covered in something brown and sticky. It looked strangley like mud with a paste-like consistancy. He then hands me 2 cups-one with some leftover chocolate graham crackers and another with a quarter inch of water in it. Mystery solved- or is it?

Now we know that half the mess is on the kid but the real mystery is WHERE IS THE REST OF THE MESS? I now have to give Liam a bath while breastfeeding Aidan and somewhere in the house is a mush pile of chocolate graham crackers mixed with water.

I searched high and low. Where oh where could the mystery mess be? Surely my two year old couldn't have gotten far. I was right on the couch for goodness sakes.  WHERE WAS THE HIDEOUS MESS?

I checked every bedroom, I checked the bathroom, the playroom, the kitchen, the office. I looked in cabinets, under beds, hell- I even stuck my hand in a few shoes (you never know). Nothing. So, I decide to chance it and give Liam a bath in the hopes that maybe this is all a figment of my imagination, this bath isn't in vain, and there is not a hidden mess of nastiness somewhere on my beige carpet.

After I have bathed and dressed Liam, I go downstairs to feed Aidan ,yet again. Something dark and mysterious catches my eye-THE MESS HAS BEEN FOUND! Guess where it was? 

Right behind the damn couch.

The 11th Hour Pooper

SInce Aidan came home, he's been a little behind schedule in the number two department. The first time he went 24 hours without a dirty diaper Rob freaked out. He insisted on calling the doctor first thing the next morning (previously he 'd been determined to page the poor guy on call at 2 am). The nurse calls back and says if Aidan doesn't do his thing within four days, we should call back. Rob looks incredulous that any living thing can go longer than  48 hours without taking a dump, let alone something with his genetic imprint.

Fast forward to the second night. Daddy dearest is getting panicked. Convinced his son will explode, he rushes into the bedroom with a squalling baby and insists we take him to the ER. Obviously, AIdan must have some sort of bowel obstruction. He didn't come in with a ,"Gee, honey. Aidan looks uncomfortable maybe we should call the doctor?!?" or " Perhaps we should look into giving him a laxative?" Just a straight ,"I'm taking my son to the ER he must have a bowel obstruction!"

Trying not to laugh, I asked him did Aidan have a fever? Did he look overly uncomfortable? (The kid had fallen back asleep 30 seconds later) WHAT was he going to tell the ER doc? It hadn't been even three days,yet! Realizing I was right, he took matters into his own hands and rushed off to the grocery store at around 1 am for some gas drops.

Precisely 24 hours later (and at the end of the third day) our little bundle of joy produced a four wipey-diapey! Then, father and son took a very long nap both looking very relieved.

Booby Prize

Yes, it's me- back from the dead.

3 weeks post-partum now. Getting zero hours of sleep per night. Seems the parasite I evicted a few weeks ago has gone and attached himself to my left breast.and.won't.let.go.

People,this is hard. The business of breastfeeding is much more difficult that I anticipated. It hurts because he always wants me. I can't go more than 5 minutes from home without getting a phone call from a frantic husband and a mewling newborn. My ass is getting permanent hash marks from being stuck to the couch during Aidan's marathon nursing sessions.

The there's the entire business of night-time. I might as well hang a sign on the bedroom door- 24 HOUR DINER. This is when Aidan get indecisive. Every five minutes between the hours of 3 am and 8am he starts wailing. The minute I get myself ready for action he falls back asleep, I experience the let-down reflex and wind up cursing as we both get covered in milk.

Hardly the bonding experience I envisioned.

Last week, I decided to switch to the bottle. I went to the store.Alone. It was amazing. I went almost a full 24 hours without nursing. I heard Aretha Franklin's 'Freedom' song go off in my head. It was such a relief! Then the inevitable guilt settled in as well as the engorgement. I grabbed my darling little boy and nursed for hours. It felt so great! What a relief!

That was a week ago. I haven't had a free hand since.

Gotta' go, it's dinner time once again!

The quickest route to post-partum depression is clothes shopping. No matter how bad you think it's going to be, shopping for a non-maternity wardobe immediately following baby is always worse than you had imagined. Everything you try on makes you feel like this:

(Except my boobs look better and I was finally able to shave my legs)

Guess What I got?

Aidan was born June 5 at 4:27 pm weighing in at 6 lbs and 14 oz. He is beautiful!