Mommy Mayhem

At Least We Had Paris

During me tenure as incubator, I developed a passionate love affair with chocolate. Nine months of complete bliss spent in oblivion to caloric intake, fat content, or it's obvious affects on my backside. So now it's come time to say good-bye.

Fare thee well, my friends- the Swiss Cake Rolls. Can't forget my party pals, Break and Bake (chocolate chip cookies-always ready!). Ben, Jerry- you rocked my world. *choking up now* My peeps, The Smores. We used to get together every Friday night. And to the entire wait staff at Martini's and the Cheesecake Factory I hope you were able to finish out college on the massive amounts of $ I spent this summer.

It's been real.

Props to Squarepants

A most remarkable event occured today.

On this day, August something- or- other, I was able to put Aidan down ON THE FLOOR and...
drum roll...

He did not scream. I cautiously placed him down and he actually smiled. At me even! I raised an eyebrow and smiled back. And still he did not scream.

A miracle. I was able to look at him from afar. He was being pleasant, nice if you will. He laid there looking up at the brilliant colors of the TV for over twenty minutes. (Geniuses, those animators on Nickelodeon!) *gasp* I was able to do the dishes, I wiped off the table. I went to the bathroom all by myself!

If this keeps up, I might just be able to quit using paper plates. 
 

R.I.P.

This is dedicated to Beauty, Queen of the Jungle (a.k.a. my closet).

Poor Beauty earned a permanent pass to Hamster Heaven yesterday. Kate was devastated. She said,"I guess she can't go that long without food and water. Can you get me another one?" I then blathered something about pets being unique and non-replaceable.

After finding Rose and Clover Roger procreating in the closet, Rob and I decided it was time to dump them in the woods send them into the Wildlife Release Program.

From now on I think we'll be doing the pet rock thing.

 

School is now in session-

What it costs to send 3 kids to school these days:

90 crayons
24 washable markers
3 composition books
3 pair of pointed scissors
2 plastic supply boxes
36 colored pencils
12 low odor dry erase markers
5 large boxes tissues
144  pencils
9 glue sticks
1 highlighter
post-it notes
larger eraser
1 pkg notebook paper
1  binder
2 notebooks
4 boxes zip-lock bags

$105 school fees
$4.95 recorder fee
6 pair of shoes
3 lunchboxes

This is not inclusive of the socks,underwear, jackets, backpacks, or any clothing one must buy. Nor does it include the extraordinary time it takes to shop for these items. Also missing is the enormous amounts of wine one must consume to get through this grueling process or the ulcer medication your husband will be taking once he totals up the receipts for the above purchases.

Piss Off, GERD Gods

I am so tired.

Aidan has reflux. very.bad.reflux. I am developing carpal tunnel from holding him upright for days at a time. I have not slept more than two hours at a time in weeks. It is now 2 am and I have been up since midnight. My darling husband is snoozing away  because he is a useless, incoherent asshole between the hours of 1 and 6. He willingly gets up at 6:30,though, and that's precious to me so I suppose I will keep him. He is an avid coffee drinker and I am v.v.grateful for that fact. Because he is a programmer, he has insides made of steel and requires only a computer, 6 gallons of your finest caffeine, and 4 hours of sleep a night. He can go weeks like that. Amazing...

So I am a walking zombie and figure I have at least another month or two (at best) of this left. People won't shut up about sleeping through the night. When I'm honest (as if my bleary,sunken eyes, and ill temper don't give it away) and say no, thank you very much, my darling bundle of joy just loves to scream and eat (alternatively) at regular intervals during the night, I usually get some assvice incorporating the fact that their baby slept through the night at like 5 weeks or something. Oh, and my favourite, "sleep when the baby sleeps". Right. Assholes. I don't want to hear how wonderful your life was/is. I want to hear that you pained and suffered like I am  RIGHT NOW!

Rant over, baby finally sleeping, must.go.to.bed.

Aliens DO exist...

In lieu of posting new, groundbreaking material (because Rob's laptop is busted and he only grants me oh- 5 nanoseconds of computer time) I decided to share with you pics from this    entry:

This should prove I don't make this stuff up...

                               
And lastly, Liam's contribution to our home improvement projects:

This was also the day I decided to invest a lot of $$ into Color Wonder markers.

I get to see the stats on my weblog. This includes things like how many people log on, IP addresses, and what sites they are logging on from. (BTW- I'm averaging 75 hits a day- WHERE ARE THE COMMENTS, PEOPLE?)  Every now and then, I'll see a site I don't recognize and click on it to see how I got referred. Yesterday I saw this...

I'll bet they were dissapointed *snicker,snicker*

I have a problem.

Since beginning breastfeeding (and quitting shortly thereafter) I have developed an embarrassing condition. My friends, there's no rhyme or reason to it. A mouse could exhale two counties away and as sure as a NASA launch, you'd be able to see it across my chest.

It wasn't so bad when I was nursing. At least I had the benefit of pads. I knew I had a serious problem when one fell out and I walked around town only half lit. I figured it would go away once I quit breastfeeding.

Not quite.

I excitedly shed my nursing bras and whipped out my favorite,"old blue." (well, ok, upgraded to 'new blue' at the last Victoria's Secret sale) It was a little small, but comfy, and the only thing that I could still wear after pregnancy.

Not quite.

I still had that pesky problem! What to do?  And what about my faithful sidekick, Old Blue? Well, I wandered into a store that specializes in these sorts of things and made a concerted effort to look lost. Finally, a very nice woman asked me if I needed help. I explained that I had recently given birth and was uncertain of my current undergarment size. She then whipped out her trusty measuring tape and begain sizing away. Turns out I was an entire size larger than I thought. So I wandered through the approproate section and came across a bra that looked just like Old Blue (only with more support  padding than a football player). Presto change-o! I walked out of that store as perky as an OSU cheerleader.

Oxycotin to the rescue!

Wow, that was easy!

Had my tubal done. I'd have to say the worst part was coming out of the anesthesia. Felt sick sick sick for the rest of the day. They kept yelling at me to breathe (evidently not a priority to my unconscious self) and refused to give me more pain meds until I was more awake. Practically had me hyperventilating for those drugs..lol! The girl next to me had a colonoscopy (ewww) and nicely told me to "hang in there!" .

The strangest thing about anesthesia. I talked my head off for about an hour. Only the nurse and God really know what I said for that hour, but I'm sure it was my entire life.

I thought maybe I'd feel a twinge of -I don't know- regret or sadness. Exactly the opposite. I feel great about it, relieved. Busy and I have so many plans now. It's nice to know that the rest of my life won't be interrupted by pregnancy,etc. I'm enjoying my kids more because I know this is really it. Can't take it for granted that I'll relive the baby stage again.

If you're considering having it (tubal) done, I'd highly reccommend it on the basis that it's not nearly as painful as I thought it would be. I was walking the same night I had it done. Not a breeze but certainly not a bedridden three day ordeal!

Locked Up Like Fort Knox

Tomorrow I am going in for a tubal ligation. This is a bit unsettling as I don't routinely go in for 'procedures'. Just a kid every couple of years. I know I do not want anymore children. I don't like the thought of altering the state of my insides to achieve infertility,however, my reproductive status is entering a gerbil like catagory. Five is enough, don't you think? I had the usual doubts. I am young. What if we want another one in 6 or 7 years. My husband rolled his eyes. What if we win the lottery? My husband laughed. What if? What if? I guess this is it. I'm rounding a corner. I'm done having babies. I'm nearly 30 now and it's time to enter the next chapter of my life. I hate commiting to things. It just seems so final. I am happy to move on, but as I round that corner I'm still looking back a little sad to see it go. It's a sign that I'm getting older. Bye-Bye youth, hello middle-age.